Trust Your Gut: When Intuition Speaks in Relationships

Do you ever sense that you can’t trust your partner, but don’t exactly know why? Do you notice them acting significantly differently than they once did?

It’s possible your partner is being dishonest with you. In this blog, we will explore unfaithfulness and how to heal from it. I’m sharing my story to offer encouragement and compassion to those struggling with a lack of honesty in their relationship.

Should You Trust Your Intuition?

I was afraid my intuition was right about my partner’s infidelity—until I started finding personal items such as purses and makeup in the car that weren’t mine. When I confronted them, I was told they belonged to “just a friend” and that I should stop “acting so crazy.” Shortly after, they began working late at the office and spending time at the gym during strange hours of the night. As if that weren’t odd enough, I noticed my partner started dressing in a style that was completely different from their usual look.

They became very defensive whenever the subject of dishonesty was brought up. My final straw was discovering a second phone hidden in the upstairs office, while their primary phone remained downstairs with them. I remembered how guarded they were with that second phone, always facing it down whenever I was nearby. During a typical weekend cleaning, I came across the phone—and there it was: confirmation of everything I had suspected, with text messages and graphic pictures. Sadly, despite our efforts, the relationship ended. But I eventually learned to start over again. The best part of this painful journey is that I came back stronger than ever before.

Let’s now explore some signs that may indicate your partner is being unfaithful. Please note it’s not one or two behaviors alone that suggest dishonesty, but rather a pattern of several over time.

Signs Your Partner May Be Unfaithful in the Relationship

• Their daily routine has changed without a clear explanation.

• They are suddenly working late hours.

• They frequently make excuses for not coming home earlier.

• They start wearing a new perfume or cologne.

• Their style of dress has undergone noticeable changes.

• You find personal items that don’t belong to you.

• You catch them in several lies.

• They become overly guarded about their cell phone.

• They take calls in another room, away from you.

• All contacts in their phone are listed under same-gender names to avoid suspicion.

• They often start going to the gym late at night.

• When they go out, they’re either unusually vague or excessively specific about their plans.

• Intimacy in the relationship has either increased drastically or decreased drastically.

Once you’ve gathered enough evidence, it’s time to decide how to handle this newfound information. Repairing the damage caused by infidelity takes serious work and brutal honesty. As I often explain to my clients, you must “get your hands in the dirt.” This means having open, direct conversations with your partner about your wants and needs and figuring out if and how you want to move forward. Take the time you need to determine what is truly best for your long-term well-being.

Remaining in the Relationship After Infidelity

• Find a couples or marriage counselor to help you decide whether to stay or leave.

• Ask for concrete proof that the affair has ended—this step is essential for healing.

• Be able to have open conversations about the affair, including asking questions.

• Ensure your partner takes full responsibility for their actions.

• Establish mutual access to each other’s phones to begin rebuilding trust.

• Commit to being honest and transparent when expressing thoughts and feelings.

• Check in with each other emotionally on a regular basis.

• When making decisions, try to consider your partner’s perspective.

Leaving the Relationship After Infidelity

• Seek individual counseling to help process everything.

• Take responsibility if you believe you contributed in any way to the breakdown.

• Join a support group.

• Surround yourself with encouraging, supportive people.

• Reconnect with hobbies or interests to rebuild self-esteem.

• Stay busy and avoid dwelling on negative thoughts.

• Find healthy distractions.

• Talk with others who’ve made the decision to leave—they can be a great source of support.

Some believe that dreams of infidelity can reflect fear, insecurity, trust issues, or a lack of intimacy. Many relationships begin to break down due to a lack of honest and open communication. People slowly grow apart, turning to others for support instead of their partner. Life throws us curveballs—infidelity included—but with the right support, it is possible to heal and rebuild.

I hope this blog gives you the courage and strength to make the decision that is best for you.

If this resonates with you, I want you to know you are not alone. At Like a Phoenix, our team is dedicated to offering compassion and support. We use evidence-based clinical approaches to help meet your needs—and to help you rise from whatever challenges you’re facing.

Maria Peters, LMHC